Where on Earth Have You Been?

So...at the threat of decapitation, dismemberment, disembowelment, and the withholding of precious Cheetos privileges, I'm updating my blog. I know it's been a long time...blah blah blah, but you have to understand that 3-year old girls have a VERY short attention span, and lack the maturity necessary to handle daily, weekly, quarterly or yearly responsibilities in maintaining a blog properly. That's all I'm gonna say about it - and if you make a fuss, I'm gonna lay down on the floor, kick my feet and scream a bloody fit for about 45 minutes. Trust me when I say, you don't want that. I did it last week, and even the dogs became suicidal.

Yes. I am officially three-years old now. The terrible hormone-filled horror that is the "Terrible Threes" has reared it's head and apparently I am less than reasonable on a regular basis. I do what I want, when I want, and heaven help you if you don't allow me to do that. I will scream, cry, and if you are close enough - punch you - to get my way. I've got a wicked left cross, and telling me to "use my words" will NOT - I repeat - NOT deter me in any way. I am very independent and like to do things myself - without any help. Some things I'm more successful at than others, such as: pulling up my underwear, getting dressed/undressed, setting the dinner table, and getting into my car seat. There are some problem areas of course, like: wiping my butt after I poo (if I remember), remembering NOT to poo in my underwear, pouring a small amount of ketchup (or any other condiment) onto my plate, and unlocking the house door. Mom and Dad are desperate to help me with every one of the problem areas (except for the last one), and sometimes I let them. If you try and say something like, "Aubrey, you know you aren't supposed to poo in your underwear...", I will stare at you blankly like you are speaking in Chinese. I've found that this technique works very well in keeping parents and teachers under control. If I'm doing something bad, and you tell me to stop - I will avert my gaze from you, ignore you - and continue doing it (albeit at a slower or gentler pace) - such as situations like punching my brother, not letting go of the dog's leg, or keeping my feet off the dinner table.

I am a singing machine. I sing all the time. I know every nursery rhyme song, as well as some others that I hear on the radio and TV. I particularly like "Don't Cha" by the Pussycat Dolls. I sing it this way..."Don't cha wish your girlfriend was hot like Aubrey?...", then I'll continue to sing this lyric substituting the names of Daddy, Mommy, and brother. I'm also very athletic and daring - which should come as no surprise to those of you who have watched me grow up. I have no fear. I leap - I jump - I slide head-first down the playground slides. My legs are covered with bumps, bruises and scrapes from my playground adventures. I am part tom-boy, and I'm proud. I can wrestle and fight with the best of them - while wearing a pretty pink frilly dress and carrying my handbag on my arm. I am also very loveable - and will often come up to you and say "I love you" and give you a kiss without provocation. If you share your food with me, you can be guaranteed a "Thank you", followed up by a kiss on your arm and my declaration of love. I am an eating machine from the moment I awake until the moment I fall asleep. My favorite things to eat are fruit, with cheese flavored crackers or Cheetos being a close second. I love hamburgers, Spaghettios (shaped like Dora the Explorer, of course), fruit rolls, and salad. (Yes - I said salad - especially tomatoes YUM!!) Mommy grows fruits in her garden, like strawberries and blueberries and tomatoes. I rarely let them stay on the vine until they are ripe, and will snatch them as soon as I see any color in them. I once ate two entire full-sized tomatoes back to back, right off the vine. I love to read too, and will quietly sit by myself for up to an hour, just reading books. I particularly like Stephen King books. I love to go to school...Well, let me correct that statement...I HATE to GO to school, and getting dropped off by Mommy in the morning is very difficult for me. But once I'm there, I have a fun time. When Daddy picks me up in the afternoon, often my first words to him are, "I had a good day!". I have lots of friends at school who let me boss them around. Last week, a girl wasn't doing what I told her to do, so I told her to go sit on the bench for a time-out. It made the girl cry. Did I feel bad? Nope. She wasn't listening, and I AM THE BOSS!

Mommy and Daddy went on vacation a few months ago, and Abuela came to watch me and brother for a week. Despite all fears, I was a perfect angel (except for one tantrum), and I loved spending time with my Abuela. Every day, when she picked me up at school, we would stop off at Wendy's on the way home, and Abuela would buy me french fries for the ride home. She understands what makes me happy!

I had a great Christmas this past year (though me and the mall Santa weren't on speaking terms or posing terms for that matter), and a fun birthday party with lots of presents. One of my favorite presents was a little chest full of princess costumes. It lets you dress like Cinderella, or Snow White, or Tinkerbell. Tinkerbell's costume even has wings! I love dressing like Tinkerbell and having Daddy lift me to fly all around the house. That's fun! I had a party at school with all my friends, and it was great fun to have everyone make a fuss about me! I wish it was my birthday every day!

Don't I look pretty with Mommy's lipstick on?

Making Christmas cookies was way fun!

Opening the presents is more fun than seeing what's inside!

Me dressed in my Christmas outfit while standing on Mommy's feet.

Abuela, Brother, Grandma, and me!

Brother and Me being sumo wrestlers!

After a long day of playing, sometimes the best place to take a nap is on the stairs...

Me with my "cutesy" pose. I'm adorable, and I know it.

I am a professional when it comes to saying the word "Cheese!"

Who needs to brush and floss when you have a doggy that will entirely lick the inside of your mouth clean after every time you eat? I love my doggy! Good girl, Claire!



"Uh...I can't be bothered with a phone call now. Can you take a message? Can't you see I'm trying on my new birthday hat?"



I hate basketball (or as I call it: soccer ball). I'd much rather be watching Blues Clues every hour of every single solitary day...and only the big-screen TV will do. How dare Daddy watch something I don't want to watch? It's MY TV after all!



Peace Out, my peeps!